EXCLUSIVE LISTING! ACT FAST (Because the Floor Might Not Last!)
🏠 Charming Alaska Home with Custom Water Features! 🌊
Location: Somewhere between Wasilla and “Why Me?”
Price: Was $350,000, Now “Make An Offer” (Seriously, Any Offer)
Square Footage: 2,400 sq ft (above water), ?? sq ft (below water)
Bedrooms: 3 (dry-ish)
Bathrooms: 2.5 (plus surprise basement infinity pool!)
Year Built: 1995
Year Flooded: Every spring since 2020
Property Highlights:
UNIQUE ARCHITECTURAL FEATURES:
- Open concept basement with natural swimming pool (seasonal)
- Self-watering carpet system throughout
- Innovative “squishy floor” technology for that beachfront feel
- Built-in humidity system (dehumidifier sold separately… to highest bidder)
- Organic wallpaper featuring authentic Alaska mold patterns
PREMIUM AMENITIES:
- Indoor waterfall feature (formerly known as “the stairs”)
- Aromatherapy included (musty basement scent, very authentic)
- Natural air conditioning via foundation cracks
- DIY science lab – watch mold cultures grow in real-time!
- Previous owner’s tears included at no extra cost
OUTDOOR FEATURES:
- Yard slopes conveniently toward house for easy water collection
- Gutters creatively redirected to foundation for maximum efficiency
- Seasonal pond where lawn used to be
- Native Alaska wildlife habitat (mostly mosquitoes and water bugs)
Room-by-Room Tour:
MASTER BEDROOM Wake up to the gentle sound of dripping water! Features include:
- Ceiling art installation (water stains in abstract patterns)
- Walk-in closet with built-in humidity chamber
- Carpeting that changes color with the seasons (brown in summer, black by winter!)
KITCHEN
- Dishwasher pre-rinse feature (courtesy of ceiling leaks)
- Self-defrosting freezer (power optional after electrical issues)
- Soft floors for comfortable standing while cooking
- Garbage disposal backs up for your convenience
LIVING ROOM
- Surround-sound water features
- Ever-changing wall textures
- Furniture not included (it floated away)
- Perfect for guests you don’t really like
BASEMENT
- Olympic-size* swimming area (*During spring thaw)
- Storage space for all your waterproof items
- Home gym with resistance training (wade through water for cardio!)
- Wine cellar naturally climate-controlled (too wet for wine, perfect for fish)
GARAGE
- Convertible boat storage/car parking
- Oil stains add character (or are those mold stains? Hard to tell!)
- Automatic door opener (when not short-circuited)
Neighborhood Features:
- Quiet area (neighbors moved away after the smell started)
- Close to water (obviously)
- Easy access to restoration companies
- Walking distance to hardware store (you’ll need it)
Recent Upgrades:
- New sump pump (already broken)
- Fresh coat of mold (2024 vintage)
- Recently pressure-washed foundation (water went inside, oops)
- DIY waterproofing attempt (see: duct tape on walls)
Seller’s Disclosure:
“We tried to fix it ourselves. We really did. The YouTube videos made it look so easy. Now we’re moving to Arizona. Take this house. Please. We’ll throw in our shop vac and the 47 fans we bought at Costco.”
Showing Instructions:
- Bring waterproof boots (hip waders preferred)
- Hazmat suit recommended but not required
- Don’t open basement door too fast (splash zone)
- Ignore the mushrooms growing in corner
- Try not to breathe too deeply
But Seriously, Folks…
If this sounds like your house (minus the humor, plus the heartbreak), you’re not alone. Thousands of Alaska homeowners face flood damage every year, and trying to sell a water-damaged home is like trying to sell ice to Eskimos—technically possible, but nobody’s buying it.
The Real Cost of Selling a Flood-Damaged Home:
Without Restoration:
- Property values drop 15-50%
- Average time on market: 6+ months
- Multiple failed inspections
- Buyers demand massive price reductions
- Limited buyer pool (cash only, investors)
- Potential legal liability for undisclosed damage
With Professional Restoration:
- Maintain property value
- Normal market timing
- Pass inspections
- Attract qualified buyers
- Conventional financing available
- Peace of mind for all parties
Why Restoration Before Selling Is Essential
1. The Inspection Nightmare
Home inspectors are like mold-sniffing bloodhounds. They’ll find every bit of water damage, and their reports will send buyers running faster than salmon swimming upstream.
2. The Financing Fiasco
Banks won’t finance flood-damaged homes. Period. Your buyer pool shrinks to cash buyers looking for massive discounts.
3. The Disclosure Dilemma
Alaska law requires you to disclose known issues. “Fixed it myself with a fan and some Febreze” isn’t going to cut it.
4. The Liability Lurking
Sell a home with hidden water damage, and you could face lawsuits long after closing. Alaska’s wet climate means problems will resurface.
The Arctic Restoration Advantage
Before you list your “charming fixer-upper with water views,” let Arctic Restoration transform your flood-damaged property into a genuinely marketable home:
Our Pre-Sale Restoration Services:
- Complete water extraction and drying
- Mold remediation and prevention
- Structural repairs and restoration
- Odor elimination
- Documentation for buyers
- Warranty on all work
The Results:
- Restored property value
- Faster sale
- Better offers
- Pass inspections
- Qualify for conventional financing
- Sleep peacefully after closing
From Flood Disaster to “SOLD!” Success
Don’t let your property become Wasilla’s next real estate joke. Arctic Restoration has helped hundreds of Alaska homeowners turn their water-damaged nightmares into successful sales.
Real Success Stories:
- Palmer family home: From $75,000 loss to full price offer
- Wasilla duplex: 8 months on market to sold in 2 weeks post-restoration
- Anchorage property: Investor lowball to conventional buyer at asking price
Time Is Money (And Mold Waits for No One)
Every day your flood-damaged home sits on the market costs you:
- Mortgage payments
- Insurance premiums
- Utility bills
- Property taxes
- Further deterioration
- Lost opportunities
Don’t Let Your Listing Become a Punchline
Transform your flood-damaged property from a real estate nightmare to a genuine opportunity. Contact Arctic Restoration today:
Phone: 907-315-0962
Website: arcticrestorationcleaning.com
Because the only water feature your listing should mention is the nearest fishing spot.
Arctic Restoration: Turning Alaska’s flood disasters into real estate success stories since 2004. Serving Wasilla, Palmer, Anchorage, and beyond with professional water damage restoration that helps homes sell for what they’re really worth.
